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london nightBasically my job was once to see what the night watchmen got up to at night as the company they worked for (Visible Inc) were convinced that all they did was sleep. Hmm.

On the first night I followed Ken around, he was a great great bloke, he was the one that taught me to always have a good torch on you at all times, he had several, little ones, big ones, different-coloured ones, ones the size of your head, little ones on your key ring so you could find the key-hole, the lot. Ken’s job was to watch the lifts, and if anyone came up there (we were on the 10th floor) to tell them to politely go back down from whence they came. No-one ever came up. We took it in turns to sleep, or that is what I thought anyway. I was happily asleep on the first night, chair in front of the lift just like Dennis showed me, just out of shot of the camera and far away from the next camera for it to see clearly, hat pulled down as near to my nose as possible, big torch in my hand, I think I dreamt that a massive Gorilla came out of the lift wearing a yellow skirt (I don’t know whyyy, best not to explore these things I’ve found), made the tea and said he’ll watch the lifts for me whilst I slept. I woke up a bit startled looking for a Gorilla, instead (when I awoke) I saw Bob across the hall from me, fast asleep, you couldn’t trust anyone there! Ken told me loads of stories about how the management kept sending in spies to check they weren’t sleeping on the job (ahh), he also showed me his binoculars and which windows to look at and at which times throughout the nights. Total ledge, he had it all written down ‘for the new guys’.

On the third night of working there Ken didn’t show up (hopefully it had nothing to do with my daily report to the management about him sleeping and spying on the hotel rooms opposite), instead there was a Keith, and Keith was from the old-school, not only did he walk around every corridor every 10 minutes, but he would run his finger over ledges & windows to check if they were clean or not, he looked like a cat doing it. He would say “look at the filth on that” mutter something, miaoww a bit (I think he was affected from his military days), then shake his head with wonder. Happy memories. It was on one of these nights that I came up with the great idea of opening a restaurant just for cats, I would call it ‘The Great Catsby’ or something similar, I would invite allll the famous cats to the launch party (Top Cat, Bagpuss, Macavity, Garfield, all the thundercats obviously, Catwoman, Cat Deeley, Cat in the hat, Tom (not Jerry, okkk Jerry can come but at his own risk), and of course the Pink Panther). After all the razzmatazz died down you would bring your cat to the dining area, select their meal, they’d play with the other cats, they would have a great time. I never saw Ken or Keith after that, but I always remembered to draw my curtains at every opportunity and ever since then I have always carried a torch. Torches are great. So much fun.

I never did follow through with my cat-restaurant either, but as a good pal always reminds me, it is not the ideas that count, it is the execution, the following through, the actually doing them. This week he has stolen no less than three of my ideas, and (unlike me) has followed them through (or he reckons he will anyway). I wish him luck, and all who sail on his good ship. It is a fine vessel, and one that will sail through calm seas, and stormy seas, but seas of greatness wherever he sets sail.

So, what have we learnt here? Firstly cats are great, Dogs are fine too. I actually learnt this week that a Dog has a limited range of noises it can make (up to only 20 noises), but a cat, ahhhh a cat has a range of over 100 different sounds (not sure on how many a human can make, does anyone know?).

One thought on “Night Watchman

  1. Lisa Calell says:

    Great post Martin – you should definitely think about the restaurant for cats – it is definitely unique!!

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