Home » Musings » The Forsythe Dynasty

booksThe reason the phrase ‘he didn’t suffer fools’ was invented could have been attributed to an old colleague of mine, let’s call him Bob (though his real name is Peter Burgersson). Every story Bob told ended with him screwing his face up with a kind of incredulous expression, and the words ‘Idiot eh eh?’. Bob used to be (ahem) a Bobby on his beat, many stories derived from these London pea-souper days, the day 20 people fell on the tracks at East Finchley, the day someone asked him for directions to Harrods (whilst standing outside Harrods), the day the number 59 bus was driven by John Lennon (and didn’t stop at the designated stops), the day the earth stood still, the day a man got on the empty bus and sat right next to Bob (the incredulous accompanying face on this one was a gem).  Bob’s problem was not that he didn’t suffer fools, it was that he couldn’t understand most other people in the human race.

Open-mindedness, it goes a long way. I would have loved for some of the things Bob had experienced to have happen to me, those kind of things are gold. I’ve been trying to broaden my noggin recently by trying new things, most notably by reading stuff I wouldn’t ordinarily read (barring James Joyce’s ‘Ulysees’, as I don’t have a spare decade on my hands – I’ve never met anyone that’s actually read it – I think it’s one of those books that everyone just pretends they’ve read like ‘War and Peace’, in fact I bet no-one even knows who wrote ‘War and Peace’).

I picked up a Fredrick Forsythe book but was distracted the whole way through as I was picturing Fredrick being the brother of John Forsythe (Blake Carrington from Dynasty) and imagining both of the brothers ganging up and finally overthrowing the ice-queen Alexis, but of course in a Dynasty-esque manner Fredrick would then marry Alexis (thus marrying his brother’s ex-wife), and then of course there would be the obligatory fight of Fredrick & John (Blake) at the wedding, they’d fall into the cake, Alexis would be crying, but ultimately then wipe away the mascara  (probably onto her shoulder pads) and then walk off with Fredrick (not John)… still following? Even better would be that in the next season after the crazzzzy wedding cliffhanger of Alexis & Fredrick romping in a studio set with a green screen of the Eiffel Tower on the bedroom balcony, that Bruce Forsyth would then walk in and say ‘hello Fredrick, it’s me Brucie, your long lost twin brother’ wow, that I would watch religiously. Please tv-makers make this happen, sure it doesn’t have half naked vampires, but it could, it really could, Brucie would be an awesome vampire.

Give me a Roald Dahl any day.

I have often thought it would be amazing if Roald Dahl’s last tale of the unexpected was that he didn’t in fact die, and that he really inhabited the body of Bruce Forsyth (or indeed, any of the Forsythe Dynasty). What kind of a name is Roald anyway? Peter Cook was right – he just dropped the ‘n’ from Ronald to sound more mysterious.

So, umm, yes, reading is amazing, it broadens the mind, read more, it changes everything, every book read is a real (Brucie) Bonus.

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