Home » Musings » Digital Watches with Calculators

calculatorLook, look, let’s just get this out of the way once and for all as I am a bit excited, I’ll mention it once and then -job done- I won’t go on about it ever again ok. Doctor Who, 50 year anniversary, unbelievable. It is really happening. That’s it, I’ve said it, I don’t need to go on and on about how truly cybertastic this is, it is simply ohmmmmygggggawddddd yes, yes, and ohhhh so timey wimey wibbly wobbly, it is too exciting to really take in. I am overwhelmed in fact, it is hard to really appreciate the moment. I haven’t been this excited since I got a digital watch with a calculator on my 10th birthday – that was a game-changer. Not just a digital watch, no, no sir, that was amazing enough, but a digital watch with a calculator. Yes yes, and thrice yeppers zippadeedoodah with lobster on top.

Like me, you probably forgot that digital watches existed, well I didn’t really, you know what I mean, the 1980’s ones, the explosion of digital watches into our tiny world, it was like the future had arrived. Watches suddenly played the James Bond theme, beeped every hour (genius whoever thought of that function, whatever did we do before?), and if you were really lucky it would have a calculator on it. A calculator? Previously calculators were giant sized fiddly things that you had to jam into your pencil case, but now you would wear one on your wrist (ideal also if you had fingers the size of pinheads). Actually my first digital watch played ‘Love me tender’ I have no idea why, odd (or even) quirk, still, I am an Elvis fan, so that was fine, I pretended I had bought it deliberately (I actually paid 50p and 20 proofs of Ringo crisp purchases).

So first there was the big bang, dinosaurs, the abacus, chips, (hope it’s chips it’s chips we ‘ope it’s chips it’s chips) digital watches, digital watches with calculators, microchips, and Miley Cyrus (that’s an abbreviated version of world history).

So what’s next? If you told a child of the ‘60s they would be wearing a James Bond theme watch with a calculator and that beeped on the hour every hour on their wrist, they would think it as crazy as Dick Van Dyke playing a cockney Londoner. If you told a child from the 70s that they wouldn’t need libraries to study and that they could find all the information from a computer in their yellow & orange bedroom, they would think it as weird as Bowie doing a duet with Bing Crosby. If you told someone from the 80s that we’d have video phones on our wrists, oh wait, that wasn’t such a big deal then, by then we were just waiting for them to be invented and watching MTV (if you were one of the 6 people that could in the UK).

Not really changing the subject slightly, I was one of the first ever Londoners to trial the ‘oyster card’ (when it first came out it was literally the most exciting thing that had ever happened, more exciting than digital watches with calculators, nooooo, YES). I literally had this role thrust upon me. There was no application, no chat, no “do you mind being the first person to have an oyster card sir, and then based on your results we shall unleash them upon the rest of the sheep” – none of that. Instead they gave me this new card (I presumed that because they were giving it to me that everyone else would have them, but no – just me!) and they just expected me to just get on with it! How rude.

Why me? Why did they chose me, I really want to know (“look at him” they probably said “he’s wearing a digital watch with a calculator for a start Joe so he must be a total innovation behemoth” “My name’s not Joe” said not-Joe, “It’s Russell, Russell Sprout, and yes I have heard all the jokes”. This conversation probably went on for days, they didn’t even go home for their dinners I imagine, and they totally missed the double rainbow outside, typical).

However, being one of the only ones blessed with the oyster card I felt that I was the big cheese board of the manor, I was Benedict Cumberland Sausage of the tube and I knew it. Every time I used my Oyster card people honestly stared at me like I was some kind of royal entity (arise arise, arise Sir Benny). A woman even came up to me at Bond St and asked me how she could get one! (I mean, c’mon London underground & not-Joe, the least you could have done was provide me with some leaflets to have handed out).

Being a London commuter it is hard to imagine that one day there won’t be an oyster card any more, just like the little stubby tickets that vanished, just like phonecards (phone what?), minidiscs, calculator digital watches, and Ringos (why Ringo why? Those were the best crisps ever man).

Ah wait… beeeppp….another hour gone already, time flies when you have a digital calculator watch, why did I ever stop wearing one?

2 thoughts on “Digital Watches with Calculators

  1. Beth Teliho says:

    haha! I’m pretty sure my dad still wears a watch with a computer on it. If he doesn’t he reeeeaaaally wants to. Martin, me thinks you’re a little bit loony tunes. ME LIKEY. (YAY DOCTOR WHO!)

  2. Martin Skate Martin Skate says:

    Excellent, probably, and YAyyyyyy DOccottrroOORORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR behind youuuuuuuuuuuu

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