Home » Musings » Competitive Walking

walkingHow dare this person walk at the same speed as me and two steps in front of me, but wait hahaah what’s this? A crossing, and he’s going to wait for the car, yes YES this is my moment my window of opportunity, if I step in front of the car and speed up my pace, I will so be overtaking him, come one come on come onnnnn, YES done it, I am now two strides ahead of him… you are reading the banal tales of the morning walk to the station… look away now if banality, I mean, if competitive walking doesn’t bang the drum for you.

I am a competitive person, this I have learnt. Anything anyone happens to say in conversation, I’ve done it, buttt I haven’t just done it, I havvvve to tell them (immediately) my oh-so-interesting story, “Oh I did that but when I did it…” I have progressed however, I’ve learnt not to do it! No-one wants to hear it, what you are saying is ‘My story is far more interesting than yours Basil’ (they’re all called Basil… well, in truth no-one is called Basil any more, I wonder if Basil Fawlty did the opposite to a Britney, or a Chardonnay), did Basil Fawlty sound the death-knelll for anyone to be called Basil again? Basilllllllll. Love Sybil, again, another name you don’t hear much of any more, or Polly, wow, and woooooh did Fawlty Towers kill off a truck-load of names to call our little newborns?

I love my walk to the station, for some reason though I have to be in front of everyone else that walks near me. I am a fast walker… but why, WHY? I ask myself (not aloud, ok aloud). There’s no read for walking fast, there’s no need to over take peeps, but I do, except for one guy, he literally runs to the station, why is running to the station? Why doesn’t he leave like five minutes earlier? There’s a couple as well that are fast-walkers, they fast-walk together, many times I’ve tried to out-walk them (and have failed), they’ve totally mastered the competitive element and ensured that no-one can overtake them, interesting strategy, I spot them a mile-off and don’t even try to overtake any more. Then of course there is the competitive ones – they know they’re in a race. Yesterday I overtook Mr three piece suit by at least three strides (one for err each piece, ok I’ll give up the ‘jokes’), he tried to keep the pace, but then right after Dominos pizza he threw in the towel, totally defeated hahahahha I said to aloud (ok, to myself), and then sprint-strode on, sure my legs were aching, but I was winning the race, then as I was crossing the road (you have to do the turn left, walk to the island, and then over) he bypassed the whole island crossing thing, and fast-legged-it across the road (whilst nervously checking there were no oncoming juggernauts to totally destroy him), gahhh, man, that is cheating, he looked back at me (pitiful as I was now) a good ten strides behind, no wayyyy of catching up, and he looked blankly at me before sprint-walking on, I knew that look, that look said ‘don’t even try and catch up now, I played my joker and won baby, see you tomorrow mofo. Oh I will see him tomorrow, oh yes, and I will be taking the death-gamble on the island bypass route, how terrifying could it be? who cares, terror or not, it would be worth it, that bypass shaves off at least 12 seconds of the walk, he’s a genius Mr Three-piecer. If we did get to chatting I would commend him on his technique, I could imagine it now ‘How did you come up with that one Three-piece?’ I would say, ‘Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I just thought, you know what, let’s do this.’ What a total ledge.

None of this makes any sense. I need to take my own advice and leave five minutes earlier, no more compeititive walking, walking in the road, around the bus stop, bypassing junctions but dicing with being flattened by a mahussive lorry, crazy crazy times, maybe I should be listening to more mellow music in the morning. I think I am walking fast because I want to get to work, in the morning I have a million ideas, well maybe not a million, but, well, no, definitely not a million. I want to get there so I can get those ideas down, get them done, do them do them do them, they’re amazing, but when I get to work, after the competitive walk marathon go go go high octane super powered mission, well, am knackered, and I’ve forgotten the ideas (millions or not so millions), what ideas, hmm. Maybe I should live closer to work…

To be continued (when when when, sheeesh, chilllllll, ok, I will chill, chill I will).

Ps best song ever to walk to…

Walter Murphy’s A fifth of Beethoven (YouTube Link)



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