Home » Musings » Writing – Top 10 tips

pause breakTrying to write isn’t as easy as sitting down and writing. You need to basically procrastinate as much as possible before you can actually begin. Here’s my top ten tips on how to start writing…

  1. Make coffee
  2. Drink coffee
  3. Set time aside to actually write
  4. Go running
  5. Talk the dog for a walk
  6. Make coffee again. Drinking it is optional.
  7. Switch on computer (can take up to 10mins)
  8. Go on facebook, twitter, bbc news, check scrabble, check email, check any other site, maybe buzzfeed, then repeat for as many times as necessary before all these sites crash and merge into utter boredom.
  9. Say ‘Right’ a dozen times, and then think about the chapter you are writing.
  10. Write (Sit at the computer staring, sometimes typing, sometimes staring into space, realising it is night-time already but this where the magic happens anyway, really get into the rhythm of writing, then decide it’s too late, your brain needs to rest, and besides you’re totally pumped, tomorrow you’re going to write so much it will be awesome).

Sadly the next day you have to go through the same rigmarole, it’s amazing anyone writes anything to be honest, yet, maddeningly writing this is literally just flying off the page, I could carry on writing this tomfoolery all day, I won’t but, wow, in summary writing –the things you really want to write about- is hard, it’s tough (ohhh but if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth doing, or, ohhhh if it was easy everyone would be doing it, true true oh voices in my head very true).

Looking at my internet history of today is sadly and cruelly revealing, have I really looked at facebook that much? why did I look at the followers of a random person on twitter? Did I really spend 24 minutes of mindless bumf on buzzfeed? it can’t be can it? In all that time I could have written many chapters instead of the feeble half chapter I have squeezed out. I did learn one thing, that the ‘Privacy’ option on Chrome is called Incognito, I like this, ‘Why not use Incognito next time’ it said, well then I won’t know how much time I have wasted will I Mr Chrome, but wait ‘Incognito?’ this I like very much. It’s not bog-standard ‘Privacy Option’ or ‘Private Browsing’ they’ve gone and given it some proper style, why Incognito, we’ve been expecting you. Look at that internet browser they’re soooo incognito. They should give more of these kind of thing names, I think I would call mine Masquerade, or Innuendo, Double-entendre, or maybe something like Gerroutttamypub.

I’ve also drunk so much coffee that finishing trying-to-write any time soon is unlikely, it’s good coffee, it’s great coffee, it’s Super coffee. Oh jeepers, I’ve gone mad. Righty back to the writing, or maybe I will go for a quick run, dog walk, make dinner, watch some Doctor Who, wait, it’s wine time, phew. Hopefully my book will be finished before the next Star Wars film is out. Thanks for helping me procrastinate, procrastinations’ what you need when you wanna be a recooordddd breakkerrrr yeahhhhh.

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