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Friday

Yep, it isser. Yepper, yepperinos. Yepperinos in a breville, with cheese oozing out ON FIREEEEE with tomatoes that are like sooooo hot they burn your dongue buddd youu donn care cosssss it dastess so goooggggggg.

Like a balloon that helium’s its way up to Hampstead Heath, it’s Fridayyyyyyyy weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, relaxxxxx, no stressing, no messing, no ba ba ba bessing yesssing it’s Friday, and that means magic pants today, I’ve put them all, the cheeky (no buns intended) grins you see from me, it means, special pants, that’ll be our little secwet, anyway let’s not get into all of that area (not all at once anyway, form a queue please single file, get that chewing gum outtta there miladdo), you there stop taking a photo of that lamp-post you little…

It’s only a matter of time before we all are able to take photos just by blinking, or be able to relieve ourselves wirelessly, just a matter of time, but until then we wave sticks in the air to get a good shot, and still have those little bits of U-shaped carpets around the loo to accommodate the err little splashy accidents, I’ve a theory that those little u-bended-carpets let’s for the sake of hoff call them ucarpets, anyway, have you seen the twilight zone where there’s a little civilisation the size of a pea but to them the size of err well a world, well basically that’s what I imagine happens on the weecarpets, I mean the ucarpets, little worlds forming governments and idolising Johnny U-Bend (he just went solo after the very acrimonious split from the BallCocks, great band, they just never seemed to capture the magic of their second album, typical really.

I am loving instagram at the mo mo, it’s my all time second favourite thing, mobile phones just keep on giving, they really do, I can’t do anything now without taking a pic of it, iffff you like it you shoulda put a filter on it (love Beyonce) uh oh oh oh uh oh. Back in the day though when a mobile was just the stupid birds that flew around a baba’s cot combined with nauseating ding ding ding lullaby muzak, things were wellll different, I remembered only recently some of the hazards of the ol’ phone box calls.

So look here are two stories, I’ll try and be like my pants (brief). If you’re not interested, then do a little dance like you just don’ care ok. Do it. We’re waitingggggggg. I can wait alllllllllllll day if I have to, it’s your own time you’re wasting…..

There, that wasn’t so hard was it now? Actually you’re quite the mover. right, shut up…

Story 1: I was in a fun restaurant back in, let’s say 1985 and in this restaurant they had a comedy phone booth where you could choose the background noise… pop concert, volcano eruption, traffic jam, you get the level of hilarity, I got my 20p (there was a 10p premium added for the comedy) and called my friend Dan, he wasn’t in, so his Dad answered, I had selected the background noise of ‘street riot’ Dan’s Dad explained that my friend wasn’t in, then he heard lots of breaking glass and screaming, and he asked if I was ok, I was just going to explain I was in a comedy phone box when beep beep beep it cut off (remember?!). I didn’t think much more of it, until we got home, and he was outside our house waiting sick with panic looking to tell my parents I was peril. His look when he saw me ranged from relief to anger to well anger again.

Story 2: I was on the ski-team at uni (incredibly/somehow/actually I don’t remember how that was even possible for me to qualify, but anyway) and on a trip 100 miles away to compete, we returned home late but went to a friend’s house first. On the walk back home we thought it would be fun to call my best pal and pretend we needed to be picked up from the ski place (100 miles away) as we “missed the bus home”. We called from a phone box and went with the story, and just at the point where he said he’d come get us (this was around midnight too) we were just going to say the hillllllllarious universally agreed upon hilaaaarious line ‘only joking’ when, you guessed it… beep beep beep…. and the line went dead, we didn’t have any money to call back. So we ran allllll the way home only to find that he’d already left to rescue us. When he returned (after he called home from the venue to find we were there back at home) let’s just say he was nonplussed.

Oh, the days before mobiles, hilarrrrrrrrr.

Wowsers! Stories eh? In a Friday post who woulda thunk it possible, well I wouldn’t have Adam and Eve’d it if you painted me blue and called me Amanda Panda.

I’ve over-reached and now I am exhausted and the day ain’t even begun yet, crikeyness of the highest crikey.

Friday, dance, boogie, do what you gotta do, but when you do it, do it cool. You’re a brick AN ABSOLUTE BRICK I SAYS. Now dance, do it for me, make the difference Friday peeps, Peace in.

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