Home » Musings » Friday ramblings

DogRUnFridayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy so let’s alllllll take a leaf from the good book, the book of dog, we can all learn a lot here people (yes you, and you, ok maybe you too madam, no not you, ok you because you’ve got a winky dinkery kinda smile that makes me wannaaannnyywaayy), dogs, doggies, little tinkers that they are.

Dogs work, eat, love fassstttttt woof woof woof bow wow wow bow wow wow, I am certain they see and feel things 7 times more urgent 7 times more POW POW POW 7 times more than us. I see my loved ones and my heart is abursting ABursting I tell you (a bit like putting a be in front of things bedazzzzzlywazzly bejazzle begonesatannnnnn, no wait, what? let’s just let bygones begone with bagels as a snack maybe), but dogssssssss, they’re like woof woof woof now now now love love love you’re home you’re home I thought I would never see you ever again and now you’re here I am not going to leave you alone I am desperate to tell you that I love love love you look here’s a sock I’ve brought you, here’s a shoe, I got it for you I am a good boy aren’t I aren’t I, look at me I can run this fast into the garden…. …. …. anddddd I am back I am back I saw a bird by the fence and as soon as it saw me it flew away shitscared hahhah yes yes look I can do it again…. ….. … and so on and so on.

My cat in contrast I may not even see for weeks and when she does decide to put in an appearance she bearly (hahah jokkkking) she barely cats her eyelashes at me, whateverrrrrr.

Dogs though, wow, the urgency, they’re the real deal. Is it because they live shorter lives, do they know this, so they cram it all in? yes yes yes tell me tell meeeeeee? Hopefully am not getting too morbid here for a Friday morning (I am actually sitting in the bathroom whilst typing this on my phone in my pants, what?, which technically if you could see me could be misinterpreted as a pretty weird thing, I mean I normally write this on the train but, anyway, if you saw me write (jokkkkking) right now, your crackers (what about them?), you’d think, huh, that’s weird why is sitting on the stool not even dressed, why not get a move on you blimmin freako and get the Friday started, welllll, ahhahhh, this is because I am going dog today (not a metaphor) I figure that a dog would do it now, write now, right now, he would write this right now because that’s what they do, they do it right now because well, what’s the point in doing it later, so I thought right friday post now now now, and then later whoever I meet stranger, ranger, mister danger, tom beranger, a wedding arranger, awayinamanger I will greet them, bring them a sock why I will do anything for them (note to self I do want to get home though so be cool about this people BE COOL if you see me approaching please kindly show me the same affection you would a little cute puppy, or a lassie type alsation right, thanks thanks thanks), it’s time to act dog (another note to self, err like get dressed otherwise dog or no dog (good name for a TV quiz show that, it’s time to playyyyyyyyyy ‘dog or no dog’ the game show where you genuinely give your feedback on dogs, hmmm, niche audience, mind you (where?) now that you’ve asked me if there’s a game show for an hour where the highlight is opening boxes where you win or don’t win then maybe dog or no dog has a chance? Mind you (again) in a world where Peter Cook once joked about topless darts that then became a reality, and where Alan Partridge joked about… wooooohhhhhh there, I nearly got like serious. How is this happpppppening. I need to get my groove on. Scrap that last bit (scraps? where where where, gimme gimme gimme).

I think this is alllll because I stayed up late last night (with no wine, sheesh it was a no-wine-zone, I complained like hell to the great god of wine,but did he listen, did he beaujolais) watching scooby doo, I mean, what kind of world do we live in where Scooby Doo is on at like 1am? There was Spider man too, but the animation was like that crap way where the characters only move every five frames or something, it’s like when you’re wading in the little stream near the scratchy grass and no wait, that’s the dog talking. This particular Scooby Doo episode had Batman & Robin as celebrity guests which threw me kapppowwww sideways momentarily,it was a sign, a sign to (1) buy wine (2) go to bed (3) hope I don’t wake up with that confused expression that got stuck on my face all through last week. Rooby rooooooby rooooooooooo.

Not making much sense now admittedly, righty, it’s time to go be Dog-Friday, the secret detective who looks like a dog in a mac with a massive magnifying glass that says ‘Rufffly interesting’ whenever he spots a clue on the trail of the missing purple sock. Right right right. I’ve rufffed on for tooooo long, it is time, start the music, put your blimmin clothes on, there ain’t no moments to lose, be the urgent dog, show the urgent love, quick quick quick, I want a full report, my doggy daring doolalley shenanigans start right now.

Blimmin’ love you, you you you, do it dog-gawwnnnn good woofies, peace woof.

Leave a Reply